no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I still have a little drunk in my system
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
