Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
