Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
