I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
