oh god the rape fog is back!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
