were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I didn't notice because vodka
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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