and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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