You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
