every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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