I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
