i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
