No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
