Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
