it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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