great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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