Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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