sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
