tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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