12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
