Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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