So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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