just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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