Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize