so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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