yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
