it hurts more in the daytime
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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