I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so let's talk penis.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize