I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
