I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
