Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
