I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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