fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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