so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
