i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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