i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
