thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
