its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
