At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
