haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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