physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Mom said you looked used
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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