It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
