one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
