he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
