there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
