Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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