K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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