that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
