i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
