he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
