i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
