my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
