I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
