So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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