she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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