She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
