My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
