Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
