Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
