Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize