there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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