I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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