Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He uses pillows to masturbate.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Gay?
German.
Pity.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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