The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
