hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
