she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
