Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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