i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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