i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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