glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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