Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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