but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ketchup is God's man juice
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
